Carpe Diem

That’s life.

You preach respect like there’s no fucking tomorrow. You clang kitchen cupboards, smash plates in the fridge out of anger/frustration/rage, because of the ‘tounge and cheek’ in my sarcasm which you deem disrespectful. This ‘attitude’ of mine combined with current neighbourhood warfare, my brother’s (too) lack of respect and your mother’s welfare/health issue compiles over a period of time. And then, a slice of my tounge n cheek attitude to mum tips you over the edge. You preach respect like there’s no tomorrow. And expect me to respect you when you think so little of me. Those bursts of anger, those eyes and their burning look of disdain and
disappointment in my brother and i ruin me. Have you ever thought the world of someone; constantly sought their approval through tiny and sometimes great actions.. to have
missed a detail and consequently lost credit for the effort? I used to respect you, but you have the least fucking respect for what I think of you, and for what I genuinely understand, and express. It makes me feel like dirt beneath your feet, it makes me feel like I can do nothing right, it makes me unhappy. And I disrespect YOU for making me feel that way, I shut you out because I don’t want to disappoint you with what I’ve done/achieved and think. You will never understand this; we are too similar, and it makes me want to be nothing like you.